"So, what do you do?"
"I live on the edge of a blade everyday."
"What do you mean?"
"I, uh, try to fly..."
Showing posts with label luck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label luck. Show all posts
Whats a tool?
My dearest mother asked my friends and I this question the other day. We were talking about someone being a tool. I don't remember who, or else I would tell you, and then you would agree that they are in fact "a tool".
I didn't know how to describe it. I really wanted to say "douche bag", but that would have offended her virtuous ears.... how do you explain it? Its like salt. Sure I can say a jerk, but that just doesn't completely fit the description. I should have told her this story or drove by King Henry in Provo, and point to a shirtless man playing volleyball with other men (the pool area is near by, but has a gate around it... there is no beach)
In my professional communication class we had to tell our most embarrassing/ scariest/ traumatic story. This kid got up and talked about how he ran over a person. He explained that it wasn't really his fault because he wasn't paying attention, the person he hit was an illegal immigrant working in a man hole, his supervisor wasn't around, the car in front of him quickly swerved, he never saw the guy.... then he said the worst part about the experience is that he was charged with reckless driving and was fined $1,500 and had to go to traffic school.
He hit another human being with his car....and didn't feel sorry for it at all. Here is a speech he gave... its. simply. amazing.
Tool. Douche Bag. Mouth Breather. North end of a jackass going South. A zero.
I didn't know how to describe it. I really wanted to say "douche bag", but that would have offended her virtuous ears.... how do you explain it? Its like salt. Sure I can say a jerk, but that just doesn't completely fit the description. I should have told her this story or drove by King Henry in Provo, and point to a shirtless man playing volleyball with other men (the pool area is near by, but has a gate around it... there is no beach)
In my professional communication class we had to tell our most embarrassing/ scariest/ traumatic story. This kid got up and talked about how he ran over a person. He explained that it wasn't really his fault because he wasn't paying attention, the person he hit was an illegal immigrant working in a man hole, his supervisor wasn't around, the car in front of him quickly swerved, he never saw the guy.... then he said the worst part about the experience is that he was charged with reckless driving and was fined $1,500 and had to go to traffic school.
He hit another human being with his car....and didn't feel sorry for it at all. Here is a speech he gave... its. simply. amazing.
Tool. Douche Bag. Mouth Breather. North end of a jackass going South. A zero.
E please.
The other day I answered E on a multiple test question, which is fine, if E was an option. It wasn't on the test. However, it wasn't marked incorrect. As I made my way home, I looked up to the heavens, said a silent 'thank you', got into my car, and cut a person off. See, we are limited to how many freebies we get. I don't know who is keeping track, but if you find yourself in a situation where you are thinking, 'how in the heck is this happening, because this is SOOOO AWESOME' ride that baby until she breaks down at the derby, because it is literally your lucky day.
Example two, about six months ago I run a red light. I zoomed right in front of a squad car. As I did so, some kind of celebration music went off in my car. No ticket... I should have pulled over, mooned every passing driver, and then gone into the nearest bank and ask for ten thousand dollars. Why not, right? Cause you'll have other nights where you lose a ton of money, and birds decide that the hood of your car looks just like a giant toilet bowl (Eff Mesquite).
The unfortunate thing is that it is hard to realize that you are in another dimension, until you have fallen back into Normalville, unless it happens all the time. I am sure Fonzie had no problem with seeing this layer open up to him. But we all ain't sporting white T's shrouded in leather. So take advantage of the system. Cause pretty soon we are going to have to buy health care, just like you have to buy auto insurance... Lighthouses' rule. You don't like the lighthouse? You suck.
Example two, about six months ago I run a red light. I zoomed right in front of a squad car. As I did so, some kind of celebration music went off in my car. No ticket... I should have pulled over, mooned every passing driver, and then gone into the nearest bank and ask for ten thousand dollars. Why not, right? Cause you'll have other nights where you lose a ton of money, and birds decide that the hood of your car looks just like a giant toilet bowl (Eff Mesquite).
The unfortunate thing is that it is hard to realize that you are in another dimension, until you have fallen back into Normalville, unless it happens all the time. I am sure Fonzie had no problem with seeing this layer open up to him. But we all ain't sporting white T's shrouded in leather. So take advantage of the system. Cause pretty soon we are going to have to buy health care, just like you have to buy auto insurance... Lighthouses' rule. You don't like the lighthouse? You suck.
Yeah BOI!
This past weekend I went to Las Vegas to sell alarms. My cousins are managers for Pinnacle and they are a hoot. They are Hydes through a through. Anyways, we did a little gambling. I have never really liked gambling. I mean, whenever I have gone I end up in the red; even if that is only like 40 bucks, it sucks. I guess I shouldn't say I don't like it. I love it when I am playing, that is fun. I tend to look at it like, 'I can be apart of a movie. Its just entertainent, right?' At least that is how I justify it.
The real problem with gambling is that it sucks you in. First of all the allure that "Vegas" and everything else that goes along with gambling, is a lie, but people buy into it all the time. I guess it's kind of like buying beer. If you buy beer women in cut off shirts will come out of no where, armed with delicious foods, and more beers. That's why people drop a grip of money on a table. They fool you with those darn chips too. Imagine playing with REAL hard cash, you would be little more cautious to go all in.
But the other night changed my perception, for a minute. I won fifty dollars and I felt like a champ. I was having a grand time on the table, yelling at people, shouting "BUST!", flirting with my 50 year old Asian dealer. That is when I realized that gambling really isn't fun if you don't make it fun.... I think that is what I am drawn to, the free card to be belligerent.
The real problem with gambling is that it sucks you in. First of all the allure that "Vegas" and everything else that goes along with gambling, is a lie, but people buy into it all the time. I guess it's kind of like buying beer. If you buy beer women in cut off shirts will come out of no where, armed with delicious foods, and more beers. That's why people drop a grip of money on a table. They fool you with those darn chips too. Imagine playing with REAL hard cash, you would be little more cautious to go all in.
But the other night changed my perception, for a minute. I won fifty dollars and I felt like a champ. I was having a grand time on the table, yelling at people, shouting "BUST!", flirting with my 50 year old Asian dealer. That is when I realized that gambling really isn't fun if you don't make it fun.... I think that is what I am drawn to, the free card to be belligerent.
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