Basic School Rules

Look back into your memory banks for a minute and recall the first day of school. You sit down, check out the cuties in the class (but if you are a business major you just sink down in your chair), and wait. You brought your whole bag, but why? You already know that this is going to be the easiest day of the year, all you get is the syllabus and some lame jokes from your professor, who claims he/she makes no money. The syllabus will have all of your assignments, some disclaimers, and some basic class rules, or rules that are unique to the class; regarding late assignments, tardiness, attendance, and extra credit. While we are in college, most of us have a basic understanding of social skills and etiquette, I have found that some have missed the boat.

Here I am, sitting in a computer lab for my business stats class. My foreign teacher is talking about A's over P's, or something, and I notice this dude sitting in front of me with his hand down the back of the his shirt. The movements look familiar, like I have done this in the mirror, but usually with my back to the mirror. Slowly, it hits me. You know, like when you realize how easy it would be to steal a car; that kind of epiphany.... He is picking zits in class... He is popping his pimples, that are on his upper back, shoulders, and neck, in class. He is doing this openly. He is fine with everyone seeing this. He is happy I think. He looks at his index and thumb, to see how much booty he just mined out of his back. Unashamed, clueless, probably home schooled. I start to get sick as he digs harder and harder into his skin.

As I get a little more grossed out than the time I saw all of my institute teachers naked in the SUU locker room, I realize that I need to do something. I panic. I make a loud noise. Like a wounded animal, or when NBA players get the ball stripped as the take it to the hole. All eyes are on me. Good. It has stopped. At least for today. Tomorrow I will have to sit up in front, with the foreign exchange students.

A bigger distraction is my offensive lineman friend in Business Law. The guy has a name to prove his worth, Shower-hammer. You know he knows how to throw his weight around with a name like that. Being as big as he is, you have to expect that everything revolving around and in his body is big. Like the meals he eats, the clothes he wears, and the flem he coughs up in class.

Mid sentence in Professor Lewis lecture, Hammer decides to lay down the law. He has a something he needs to get out, whether that is his lung, appendix, a lie, or a midget he ate, he has to launch in out of his body into his mouth. I wonder why really. He coughs the "thing" up, only to shallow it back down. I am pretty sure, unless he spits it into his sleeve.

Then I hear about this girl in the tutor lab that actually sucks her thumb and picks her nose at the same time. When Mowgli is the odd duck in the room, you know you have problems. So what is up SUU? Where do these kiddies come from? 

7 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

UGH!!!!! Thumb sucking nose pickers are at UVU as well... sadly they have to sit right next to you so you can watch the full event with no interruptions while choking back the vomit wanting to exit your mouth.

Anonymous said...

We need regulations on who can/cannot have children together. For example thumb sucking nose picker and her husband should NOT be able to reproduce.....luckily they might not be able to figure it out.

David said...

@ whit. how did you find me? does UVU suck?

@anon... this game your playing of no one knows who you are, is not conducive to the betterment of this blog. please, reveal yourself. stalking isn't funny. it isn't romantic. its real.

Whitney said...

UVU is the armpit of Utah universities... way too many people, horrid teachers, creepy men and $80 parking passes. I'm not sure how I found you... I knew about your other blog and I guess I just stumbled upon this one, which, by the way, is very enjoyable to follow. :)

David said...

Witty Whit. Glad you are on board. Well, I am kinda glad that I am here, at SUU. Wahooo.

Tyler said...

Probably home schooled hahahaha.