Mon quata fata!

My uncle Rob is probably one of the funniest men you could ever meet... for an hour or so. I love him and don't want this to portray him in a bad light. That being said, I want to present the man who lives with my parents, cause everyone could benefit from meeting the man, the myth, the legend: THE MON QUATA FATA.

Robert Sessions Hart is in his mid fifties. He has dark gray hair and a pronounced mustache, which he loves. He parts his hair for church and has his pants lifted up above his belly button. His head will automatically bob from side to side when he hears those beats you can find on 103.7 The River, Reno's number one oldies station. He is a gaming master, with skills ranging from scrabble to zilch; he dominates any dice game. Although his mathematical reasoning is a little unorthodox (he multiplies and adds integers out loud, "Six by four is ten... one to eight to four by six is...") he always gets the right answer. While his laugh is infectious and endearing, his fierce hatred for getting his picture taken and Mexicans is alarming.

"The Lurker" is a fitting nickname in consequence of his unusual way of getting behind you when you are reading, or watching a movie, or speaking on the phone. He lurks around at night, turning off all of the lights in the house, using a flashlight. Even though he gets up early for work every morning, movie watching takes him late in the wee hours of night. An avid movie goer, he has seen them all, even if they haven't been released as yet; seeing the movie preview counts. Robert has to be apart of every conversation. He just waits for a keyword, something he can interject his knowedge about. The man knows someone from everywhere. I mean, you name a state, or a city, he has a friend there. He knows their name as well, after you give him a second or two to recall it. He is also full of one liners. Lemme give you some Robisms, which are usually dished out when others are around... to impress them, and show how smart he can be.

We are sitting down to play a game. That is a common scenario that we find ourselves in with Rob. We are playing Yahtzee. I am rolling poorly and am complaining. Rob interjects, "You have to practice. If you practice then you find it easier concerning onto how to play better. Think about it stud, then you'll see." I respond that this makes zero sense. Rob isn't backing down "Oh come on. Its not that hard. It is just life." I counter with some sass and say that I know that Yahtzee is very much apart of life, but practicing rolling dice will do me no good because the game is made up of chance. His response? "If it comes time to it will." I say that it will never come time for it, whatever it we are talking about. "Oh you think so huh," Rob says with his eyebrows raised up to the ceiling, eyes bulging out of his head, "Well, its possible if you put you mind to it." I disagree with him, which results in his final dismissal of me, "Whatever, whatever." The conversation is now over.

Some other favorite things he loves to do is say the exact opposite of you. I enjoy singing to Rob, improve style, mixed with some raps in about him. I love doing this because he will make up some of his own lyrics. The other day I was singing about 'love' and 'church', which he fought off with 'hate' and 'napping'. It is also extremely important for him to know if people are full or part time in their job. Or if they are Mormon. You will not need a GPS around him, he knows where you are going, and can point extremely well to open parking spaces, also  he can point to which way you are turning, and will give a satisfying sigh when you go HIS way. Finally, he loves giving out nicknames.