Fairy tales are for kids.

Welcome to the real world, you little jerk.

(names were made up. Any similarities to your life is completely by coincidence. This is a fictional story with a real theme. I would never write about you.)

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Charles. He had a friend name Samuel. They were best friends. They were friends with many friends, like Mikey, Reggie, and Jet. These boys liked girls, but getting the best girls was hard. Jet moved too fast. Reggie was too sweet. Mikey was too shy. Samuel might have been gay. But Charles, he was able to slay the hottest babes. The other boys didn't mind, because Charles' babe would bring other babes. This was all fine until Charles brought his new woman to meet them...

Eyes were fixed on her, well, the boys would sneak glances, to stare at her. Her jokes couldn't seem more funny. Her intelligence was mediocre, making her seem to good to be true. She was a sheer dean. (sheer dean is a term used in the Hyde home. It means she is without question, a keeper, a ten, aka your childrens mother) All of the boys had a crush on her, but none of them would come out and say it, that would be wrong.

Kind of like Samuel admitting he had a crush on Jet... That would be wrong, cause that would change the dynamic of their relationship. Jet wouldn't be mature about it or supportive really.

What could they do to get Charles girl? All of them could see that Charles was a bad match for this sheer dean. They would and could treat her better. Alas, they dreamed of the couple breaking. The bro code forbade them from trying to ruin the relationship. What could they do? A lie, yes? A rumor of sorts. No, that was overplayed in recent movies. Murder? Too far. Send her love notes? Give me break.

Actually, this story sucks. The point is to get over her... Or pull a Dane Cook. I really just posted this so I could put this link up. Fair warning, this website has some very foul language, but makes me laugh.

Bro Code

There needs to be a book written for those who are not born with the inherit qualities of Bro-ship. I don't think the new generation of men take these unwritten rules serious enough. Perhaps, if there was a book written, then people would be for real.... I already see a problem with this; you'll get those dudes who cite the book all the time, creating a monster of an official. So, scratch that idea. But someone needs to teach the rising generation of the value of understanding this system of codes and regulations. I have been lucky enough to be blessed with brosephs to teach and follow the correct way. Hollywood has done its best in trying to teach some basics. Take for instance, Wedding Crashers, Hitch, Talladega Nights, and Step Brothers, to name a few. What needs to be taught you ask? Easy. 

1. Dibs count. Just like calling "shotgun no BS", you can call dibs on girls. And you gotta honor it. I promise you'll be blessed for it. Example: I called dibs on this girl my first semester at SUU, although she was clearly more interested in my friend. My friend honored the bro code. She and I didn't even start anything. I gave him the go ahead nod. He is now married to her. Boom, how do you like your eggs now? Scrambled I hope...

2. Being a Wingman is more important than being the pilot. What is essential to being a Bro? Being a friend, and the most fundamental part of being a friend is looking out for them. AKA Wingman. 

      a. wingmen are there to support. This could mean that they need to assimilate to the situation to benefit their homie. For example. Mowgli came with me to a girl's grandparents house. She was from out of town and was staying there. Her family was very hostile towards me. Rude. I was shocked. I couldn't react. My brother Mowgli took over. He owned them; turning jokes around on them and took some heat for me. It was awesome. I got singed, but not burned, because of my wingman. He played third wheel without any immediate benefit coming back to him. Some times you may just have to be the silent Joe. Just gotta be a good one. 

      b. Scratch their back, they will scratch yours. Just like JT says, what goes around comes around. It is that simple. Karma. 

      c. Do not block a man from the prize. If you are the third wheel and he gives you the look like, "Get lost," get lost. 

Did I fail to mention Goose? Maverik ain't nothing without Goose. Try that on for size. 

3. Forgive and Forget. I did something really crappy to my best friend the other day. He was pissed at me. I felt terrible. It could have ended poorly for the both of us. But we both understood that we have come too close and far together to let something small get in between us. You just gotta shallow your pride and say, "You are right man. I am jerk." But if you are in the right, be patient. Yo, Montell, let em know what's up?!

4. Talk things out. Do not be a little pansy about things that bother you. Dudes now a days try to hint at issues they have by going through a side door. Just meet the conflict head on and talk about it. 

    a. Also, on the other side of the coin, they may want to share goals, feelings, and aspirations. Listen man. That is how we do. 

5. Quality time. I am probably the worst at this. I get a g/f and I forget my roots. If you want your dogs to be around for you when you got hard times, which will come, you have to give them your shoulder too. Plus, guys are a lot more fun then girls... generally.... most of the time... until you find your wife.... "Friends, isn't it about time?!"

6. Leave no man behind. The military has trained its finest to protect the man beside you. This type of strategy binds men together. You can't leave a buddy in a line of fire! Save him. If he has a lame g/f, tell him. 

   a. Not to be sacrilegious, but isn't that the message of the gospel? 

7. Secrets do not make friends, but they sure can ruin a friendship if shared. I think that speaks for itself.  Unless you are Chuck Norris, then secrets are your friends...