What celeb would you most want to hang out with?

We have all asked ourselves that question a million times. I mean, it could maybe happen. Make a wish foundation may select your broken self one day...

I was wondering who would be in my celebrity squad. Like, if somehow they all became my best friends and wanted to hang out with me, but I was like, "No, I can't. I can only hang with a few of you." So, naturally I went to the internet to help me determine my list, because I don't really know these people and people on the internet must. What I found was that most people would like to get high (mushrooms were a big hit) or fornicate with a celebrity (Mila Kunis was a favorite and I did see someone say Betty White...). Other notable favorites, not mentioned below, were: Seth Rogan, Seth McFarlane, LeBron James, Megan Fox (not so much to hang out with), Jennifer Lawrence, and Tina Fey. 

Thanks quantorio... you added nothing to this

Wow. I had no idea. He does stick up for mothers though.

 I can get on board with this... just the combination seems really odd.

 I think Venomanzer should definitely re-think this

I saw several thousands of these... the original question was to hang out with based on personality...

Again, re-read the question. Just get a tape measure and use that. Don't waste the Diesel's time. 

 Okay, I get on board with this...what would you do after?


Noshiti, skankit isn't the only one who can choose this! You can too!

... this sounds so boring... awful

  This is a great choice.

Can we get Will and Neil at the same time? Epic battle.

Solid. Solid. Solid.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Last V-day, I was.... what was I doing? Cant remember; pretty memorable day. This is the third post in a month, revolving around women and love. Sorry, its Februany, I got the love bug.

So, in order to make this V-day memorable, and in honor of this "give me a thoughtful 'I LOVE you' gift" day, I decided to kick it off right by watching the "Bachelor". What could show me, a cold hearted animal, what it feels like to be in love, better than a "non-scripted, reality" TV show. If you are a doubter, like I was, you need to watch it at least once in your life. I promise, you'll come away with more questions about love than answers. I really did enjoy it, mostly because of how authentic and organic it all feels. Nothing seems fake or planned, it really comes across natural and real.
NOTE: I had to keep my head from falling off of my neck.... I was rolling my eyes so hard.
I could go on and on about the show (just after one episode, its THAT juicy), but I'll just say this about the show: Courtney has a real shot at getting a spot on a soap opera. She makes the show. As well as how dense Ben is.

Like I said, after I was done with the Bachelor, I had more questions than answers about the L word and its associated feelings. I thought it prudent to turn to men who have always been considered connoisseurs of love. Take a listen, because these tracks are love-making music baby. If  these songs don't make you put on the smolder face and nod your head, you have neither a heart or ears.







Did you notice what all those videos have in common? That's right, a black man with soul. That led me to the only black man I am close enough to talk to about love, and oddly enough he is in love, Mowgli. Now, I know we have had him on the blog before, but never has he been more of an expert on love than he is at this moment. The interview was not exactly what I was hoping for.... meaning, it was pretty bland/boring/it sucks. Maybe, it was my monotone voice or that he didn't really want to play my game.

Me: Sean, what kind of feeling is love like, a shot through the heart, or the kind of feeling that makes you wanna say, 'come on, and love me sexy'?
Sean: Come on and love me sexy.
Me: So, you'd agree with Jackie Moon?
Sean: Jackie Moon says it best.
Does he really believe that? C'mon and suck me sexy? My magic eight ball says, 'DOUBTFUL.'

Me: When do you know you're in love; when you are over checking them out or when you finally can stand hearing them chew their gum?
Sean: Good question. I feel like when you are over checking them out though.
Me: Is love a 'many a ... splendid thing'? (Don't watch that whole clip. Nicole Kidman is such a whore.)
Sean: Sure, I guess.
Can't blame him for not knowing the reference, the last Romantic movie he saw was The Vow. He even gave it three and half stars out of five.... Weak. 

Me: Does love actually affect your physical composition?
Sean: Yes.
Me: In what way?
I had heard it changes the way your heart is shaped.
Sean: Chuckle. I can't tell you. It's inappropriate.
He must be talking about the pleats in his dress pants. 


Me: When people say they fell in love, what does that mean? And did that happen to you?
Sean: Yes.
Me: K. It happened to you.What does that mean?
Sean: It means the other person tripped them. So...
Me: Alright, you gunna go with that?
He nods his head, and rubs his eyes.It apparent that he couldn't care less. The amount he cares is so minimal that I can barely stand it. 


Me: K... Have you ever lied and said you loved someone?
Sean: Yeah.
Me: Who?
Sean: You.
Both Sean and Hillary chuckle then laugh. He laughs a little too hard at his own joke. Unfazed by their lack of cooperation and humor, I continue with the interview; like a professional.
Me: Sex. What are your thoughts on its connection to love?
Sean: I feel like it is a necessary step, to show your love, after the appropriate steps have been taken.
Then he says something that I can't hear, but it's probably really boring. 


Me: What was Eric Clapton really saying when he said, 'Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven,'?
Sean: Ha...I think he's admiring an angel from afar, and he wonders if she notices him too.
Me: Sarcastically. Do you really think it is a love song though?
Sean: Uh, probably.
Gives me an annoyed look and laugh. Probably? You're damn right it is. 


Me: Are you a selfish lover?
Sean: No.
Me: What makes you so unselfish?
Sean: I am a generous person.
I laugh inside this time. Generous. 
Me: So, could you ever fall in love with a man?
Sean: No. He chuckles. I wonder why he chuckled. I wouldn't chuckle at that. 
Me: Whats the shortest amount of time you have been in love?
Sean: Uh...Long pause. Six days.
Me: Who?
Sean: You. He laughs at his own joke again.

In conclusion, I now know that Sean doesn't have an essential element of the true black man, i.e. Romantic - soul. He has no idea about love. I am no closer to the end of my quest and frustrated more than ever.  This search is starting to feel like Zelda, The Ocarina of Time, on N64.

Thumbs up.

I have a new guilty pleasure. It's called Thumb. It is a phone app (free) that has changed the way I view the world around me. If I ever have a question, I don't ask my family, friends, or an eight ball, I ask the advisers of Thumb. Lemme give you some examples:

"Would you be a surrogate mother for Charlie Sheen?"
Surprisingly, only 85% of the 78 votes said they would. However, Luis U., from California said that he would because "then he would have tigers blood in [him]." Maybe Luis and I do not know what being a surrogate mother really demands. Gaz T. said, "I'll give it a go."  Way to go Gaz!
Not a single woman from my survey said that they would, only men said yes... Interesting.

"Are human bodies a viable fertilizer?"
The voting was close, 48% said yes, while 52% said no, out of 124 votes. Conor M. said, "Only [if the bodies]  are murder victims." This kind of question would bring out the best of 'my people'. Jordan L. thought it was a good idea in case of the "Zombie Apocalypse." I am pretty sure dead humans, who were killed by Zombies, become Zombies. Thanks for playing Jordan.
Elisabeth C. from Rhode Island thanked me for the great tip and called me 'sir'. i have that kind of respect in the community. Mike R. reassured me that human bodies would be great for my garden, by responding, "Fact." Amanda B. disagreed though, and simply said, "Horseshit." She could be talking about my question or that horseshit is in fact a better fertilizer. I guess I'll give horseshit a try first.

"The entire state of New Mexico should be annexed from the union. Right?"
Of the 109 votes, ranging from Oregon to Florida, 72% gave me the thumbs down. Leeky S. asked, "Why? Were they bad?" We can all assume that Leeky has no credibility, with a name like Leeky and he has never been to New Mexico. Then, Jane F., called me racist. She is right though. I am; I am racist against aliens. New Mexico is another planet. Thus, those who live on this other planet are aliens. Watch the X-files Jane.

"Are you allowed to store pet gators in storage units?"
107 voters, 21% gave me the affirmative nod. The majority was pretty concerned for the animals well being. Jamie N. educated me, "[Gators] can break out of anything. They are very strong and mean. It would eat you one day lol." Good to know Jamie. I never knew reptilian had super strength. Another person, Lee T. told me I was stupid. Melinda B. from Texas added insult to injury by asking me if I rode the short bus. I told her that I am not allowed on public transit. She gave me the 'lol'. These guys and their jokes....

Voting on other people's questions can be really fun too. You get a lot of people asking if they are good looking. I like those ones, cause 95% of the time, they aren't. I have been asked where to buy Uggs, if I have tried African Mango (not the fruit I found out later), and how long it took me to learn English.

The advisers of Thumb have become a huge asset to me. They have helped me determine if I should be at my wife's third delivery, even if I am not the father. If Sarah Palin is dumber than a bag of hair. And finally, if Nicolas Cage is actually a vampire.

One in the same

Netflix will be the end of me. Here I am, 3:00 am... Just finished watching a movie... So stupid.

So, lately, I have been watching a lot of Al Pacino. He is pretty much the same character over and over; Gritty, no nonsense, terrible at keeping his life in order, the kind of a guy that makes your hair stand on end when he stares at you. He is intense. Whether he is playing a criminal, cop, or coach, I wouldn't mess with him. He has become a master at that role. Just like Will Ferrel at comedy, Oprah at TV, Keanue Reeves at... Sucking.. As well as Nicolas Cage and Brendan Fraiser....

As you watch Al, throughout his movie career, he seems to just get more tired, heavier bags appear under his eyes, and less patience. I've learned a few things from Al, as I've seen his aging. I do not think Al is a role model. I bet he is a piece of garbage, even the characters he portrays aren't that great, but nonetheless, they have some redeeming qualities that make you root for Pacino. He is loyal. That is super important; to stay loyal to family and friends. His Trust was gained, earned, over a lifetime, and could disappear in instant. He's got a good heart, somewhere, underneath all of the blood he just shed. One thing that has really struck me is that in the end, the previous choices PAC made, were his ultimate demise.

Fate is determined by us. We become exactly who we want to be. It's not easy to be our better self, to be honest, to be good. In reality, I think Pacino keeps playing these roles because that is who he really is, a man full of guilt. He doesn't appear happy, and the only peace he attained is when he was succumbed to sleep, via death. What a sad life to replay over and over.

We are the product of our choices. That is the common theme here. That is what the cowboy of the dusty plain was saying. External influences can affect you in some way, but it is adhering to those externalities that change your life. We can be like Al, always running from the past, our future determined already with disaster because he waited too long to fix his problems. It's all up to us.

Fairy tales are for kids.

Welcome to the real world, you little jerk.

(names were made up. Any similarities to your life is completely by coincidence. This is a fictional story with a real theme. I would never write about you.)

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Charles. He had a friend name Samuel. They were best friends. They were friends with many friends, like Mikey, Reggie, and Jet. These boys liked girls, but getting the best girls was hard. Jet moved too fast. Reggie was too sweet. Mikey was too shy. Samuel might have been gay. But Charles, he was able to slay the hottest babes. The other boys didn't mind, because Charles' babe would bring other babes. This was all fine until Charles brought his new woman to meet them...

Eyes were fixed on her, well, the boys would sneak glances, to stare at her. Her jokes couldn't seem more funny. Her intelligence was mediocre, making her seem to good to be true. She was a sheer dean. (sheer dean is a term used in the Hyde home. It means she is without question, a keeper, a ten, aka your childrens mother) All of the boys had a crush on her, but none of them would come out and say it, that would be wrong.

Kind of like Samuel admitting he had a crush on Jet... That would be wrong, cause that would change the dynamic of their relationship. Jet wouldn't be mature about it or supportive really.

What could they do to get Charles girl? All of them could see that Charles was a bad match for this sheer dean. They would and could treat her better. Alas, they dreamed of the couple breaking. The bro code forbade them from trying to ruin the relationship. What could they do? A lie, yes? A rumor of sorts. No, that was overplayed in recent movies. Murder? Too far. Send her love notes? Give me break.

Actually, this story sucks. The point is to get over her... Or pull a Dane Cook. I really just posted this so I could put this link up. Fair warning, this website has some very foul language, but makes me laugh.