when you leave me alone....

I try to pretend that I am a loner, like it somehow makes me stronger, but really, being a loner sucks. I tell myself and others that I am "independent," and that I don't "need" friends around me all the time. I couldn't be more wrong. Humans need other humans in their human lives. That's just science. Who wants to eat a banana by themselves? No heterosexual.

Look at Alan. As soon as he got Doug, Phil, and Stu, he knew he had a wolf pack.  Lemme quote Alan:

I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack- it grew by one, so where there two- there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the wolf pack and Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought 'Wait a second, could it be?' And now I know for sure- I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. The four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast! Takes out a knife and cuts his hand. Blood Brothers!

I just hope I do not become like Alan, but I fear for myself when I am alone. Cause I do strange things.

I shave my legs. Seriously. Depressing. The back of the knee is so hard to get too. Again, depressing.
I make up my own rap songs. I have NEVER been good at it.
I wander the house looking.... There is absolutely no loose change in our house or leper-cons.
I facebook stalk. How sad.
I just look at my wall. No doubt man, like my own prison, straight thug.
I write in my journal. More prison stuff, you wouldn't get it. 
I go to movies. Not too bad actually.
I play on a seesaw. 
Work on my craft.

Jealous

I got some issues man, some real issues, with my homies girlfriends. I don't hate em, just urked. I hate getting replaced, and that is exactly what has happened. I went from the starting lineup to the bench, but unlike my counterpart World Peace, I'm no team player; I am upset. Green with envy of these girls, that they get to spend all that time with 'ma boyz'. What do they have that I don't?  Girls have some great qualities and advantages. I can admit that. One thing that I will not accept is they can replace me.

First of all, they are not more fun than me. For real, how could they be? Girls aren't funny/fun, sure there are some exceptions (Tina Fey, Kristen Wigg, and......). Sure, girls can be clever, make you chuckle/laugh quietly to yourself, but they'll never make you lose your shorts in laughter. Ever. As for fun... oh my gosh. Kissing could fill that void for awhile, but that fades, and then what do you have? Zero fun, that's what.

Secondly, the boys have to alter their personality for them. For instance, they gotta watch their tongue, pretend that they don't fart, that they actually want to watch lame TV, and diet Coke is good. C'mon man. That's not you. You love to say the B word. It is funny. You have the worst smelling farts ever, and you love to share your brand. And I know you would NOT choose to watch shows that are similar or are like: The Bachelor. As for the Diet Coke crap. Really dude? Really?

Finally, she is cutting into our time. You know, the time where we "do stuff". Now all of the sudden you can't play ball, or you can't come with me to do hood rat things. Instead, I do hood rat things on my own, and look like a real tool. I pulled off of a sweet gig the other day, and guess what? I still haven't told you guys. Then I went to a movie by myself the other night. You know how depressing that was? I had to go to the middle of the theater by myself then I left before the credits even started.

You have to take what I say with a grain of salt. I'm just super ornery right now. Forgive me.

Fairy tales are for kids.

Welcome to the real world, you little jerk.

(names were made up. Any similarities to your life is completely by coincidence. This is a fictional story with a real theme. I would never write about you.)

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Charles. He had a friend name Samuel. They were best friends. They were friends with many friends, like Mikey, Reggie, and Jet. These boys liked girls, but getting the best girls was hard. Jet moved too fast. Reggie was too sweet. Mikey was too shy. Samuel might have been gay. But Charles, he was able to slay the hottest babes. The other boys didn't mind, because Charles' babe would bring other babes. This was all fine until Charles brought his new woman to meet them...

Eyes were fixed on her, well, the boys would sneak glances, to stare at her. Her jokes couldn't seem more funny. Her intelligence was mediocre, making her seem to good to be true. She was a sheer dean. (sheer dean is a term used in the Hyde home. It means she is without question, a keeper, a ten, aka your childrens mother) All of the boys had a crush on her, but none of them would come out and say it, that would be wrong.

Kind of like Samuel admitting he had a crush on Jet... That would be wrong, cause that would change the dynamic of their relationship. Jet wouldn't be mature about it or supportive really.

What could they do to get Charles girl? All of them could see that Charles was a bad match for this sheer dean. They would and could treat her better. Alas, they dreamed of the couple breaking. The bro code forbade them from trying to ruin the relationship. What could they do? A lie, yes? A rumor of sorts. No, that was overplayed in recent movies. Murder? Too far. Send her love notes? Give me break.

Actually, this story sucks. The point is to get over her... Or pull a Dane Cook. I really just posted this so I could put this link up. Fair warning, this website has some very foul language, but makes me laugh.

All Alone

This past week, I was dog sick. I don't know what happened, I guess just life. Surprisingly, people still get sick, and yes, I am human. It was a shocking day for me to find that out as well. It was a pretty bad sickness. Muscle aches, fatigue, severe sore throat, painful headache, and a fever. if you were wondering what I meant earlier by "Dog sick," now you know. I had some angels in my life. They came, blessed me, and nourished me. Golden. Shmee. Berlin. Mowgs. Mom. And all of the prayer said in my behalf.

Come Saturday morning, I felt better. I got in my car, started it, almost pulled out of the driveway before I realized what was going on. I was all alone in Cedar. Where was I going? It was in this moment that I realized why wolves travel in packs. Why super-heroes fight in tandems. Why Harry Potter is the best wizard. And why chat rooms still exist. Being alone sucks. I can't think of any other way to put it. People who say they like to be alone or like being a "lone wolf" are either: a) Full of crap, cause they've never been a lone wolf, and just want to look tough. b) Have no friends. c) Are crazy and want to be old. Cause that is what happens when your old. You become alone. Then you go crazy.

I hated it. I felt like I couldn't breath. My skin was itching. I went back into my house and saw all the things I could do. I even thought about all of the other stuff I could do. Nothing seemed appealing. It was all just busy work. Here is the truth, and by the way this is nothing new, humans need interaction. We need to have others around us, but more importantly we need friends. I know of no one that is happy that has zero friends. Besides Kobe Bryant. Even the weirdies out there need a friend. I do need to clarify, everyone needs a true friend.

I drove two and a half hours like a bat out of hell. I walked down that dock, saw that green boat filled with my friends, and I couldn't help but smile. From horseshoes, to football, to late night talks, to silly giggles, I love those men. We may not have it all together, but together we have it all... K now that I wrote that I am going to go look for the nearest fence post and slam my head into it. Who do I need to pay my royalties to for saying that? Gosh I am really upset that I typed that.

I recommend listening to Bill Withers' song Lean on Me.