MJF

When I get down in the dumps, I just think of my boy Michael J. Fox. Ask me why. Go ahead, ask me. Because he is the man. See below.

1. Great at pretending to play the guitar and singing. Which I wish I could do and get paid for it. Plus, he was so good at time travel he did it three times!


2. He turned into a Wolverine and everyone was OK with it because he was a baller. (Great movie by the way. Worth the watch)


3. He is battling Parkinson's disease like a champ. BIG UPs to my man MJF.


If you like new indie music, but don't want to do the searching, here is a cool link.

business casual

I got an internship. I am pretty excited about. I am not excited about the dress code - biz casual. Business clothes are a little uncomfortable, but it is not that I mind that. What I mind is my inability to buy a shirt that fits me. I have never had to buy my own dress shirts until a few years ago. I had plenty of hand-me-down white shirts, but I needed the business blues and stripes. I thought you just had to look at the neck size and that was it. Boy. Was. I. Wrong. So wrong.

NEWS FLASH: You have to consider the arm length as well. You know the apendages that are shooting out of the sides of your torso! My shirts would be a little snug before I would wash and dry them, but after I put them on after a dryer session, my only option was to roll them sleeves up. Idiot. Now, after help from Steve-O I know I wear a 16ish and 34/35. Thanks Steven.

I still do not own a credit card....

Revocation

I thought I would have someone tell me that I had lost my 'Man Card'. I thought I would fight agaisnt losing the card. I would put my foot down and say, "No, sir. I will not continue down this path." I did not expect that I would succumb slowly and subtly, and that one day I would think to myself, "Huh. I am whipped." See, I was the friend that made fun of the friend that would rather hang out with his girl than me. I promised myself to never be on that 'leash', 'chain', 'lady rope', 'skunked rode', 'trippin way', 'crazy fo dat lady', or 'broke game way'.

There were signs that I was losing the battle; obvious signs. Any time you willfully hold a woman's purse, without making the cinnamon challenge face, you know it is over. Or if you watch a movie that is similar to Step Up, Step Up 2, or Perfect Pitch (which are entertaining, they just lack substance, plot, acting, etc.). Or just sit and wait for her to get off work. Just getting upset at very minute that passes with her not being with you. And finally, if you have to ask yourself if it literally her way or the highway....

Losing your the 'man card' is necessary. All men must go through this rite of passage to become a real man. Ones that cry and love Jesus.

Remember how Jeremiah Johnson had to take care of an orphan kid and his squaw wife because of human decency, but in the end you saw that he deeply loved them. It isn't exactly like that...Stay with me. See, J.J. (as I like to call him) is the definition of MAN. Rugged, dangerous, strong, bearded, tough, ate meat, killed beasts, tamed the country side, fought off assassins, built a house with his bare hands, had integrity, mad dogged, etc. But, most of all he had a heart. He loved. He cared. While rough around the edges, over time the layers of protective MAN skin was peeled back, and we knew who he really was inside. I am exactly like J.J-- a total badass.

To be complete you have to sometimes hold her purse. You have to go to movies that you would not even watch the movie trailer. And you have to remind yourself that she does run the show. She is always right, but she is totally worth it.

P.S. I have given up on trying to give up social media.

when you leave me alone....

I try to pretend that I am a loner, like it somehow makes me stronger, but really, being a loner sucks. I tell myself and others that I am "independent," and that I don't "need" friends around me all the time. I couldn't be more wrong. Humans need other humans in their human lives. That's just science. Who wants to eat a banana by themselves? No heterosexual.

Look at Alan. As soon as he got Doug, Phil, and Stu, he knew he had a wolf pack.  Lemme quote Alan:

I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack- it grew by one, so where there two- there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the wolf pack and Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought 'Wait a second, could it be?' And now I know for sure- I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. The four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast! Takes out a knife and cuts his hand. Blood Brothers!

I just hope I do not become like Alan, but I fear for myself when I am alone. Cause I do strange things.

I shave my legs. Seriously. Depressing. The back of the knee is so hard to get too. Again, depressing.
I make up my own rap songs. I have NEVER been good at it.
I wander the house looking.... There is absolutely no loose change in our house or leper-cons.
I facebook stalk. How sad.
I just look at my wall. No doubt man, like my own prison, straight thug.
I write in my journal. More prison stuff, you wouldn't get it. 
I go to movies. Not too bad actually.
I play on a seesaw. 
Work on my craft.

Uncle Dave-O

I have a nephew, Ethan, who I call  E-O. Without anyone telling him, he called me Dave-O right back. He is maybe four or five? Super smart kid, naturally funny, and he likes me-- a perfect candidate to become just like me. Puuurrfect.

We were on a family hike near Provo, going to some falls, when I realized that I could help E-O get ahead of the curve. We were racing against his older, and much more competitive brother Ezra and his friend, when they started to insult each other.
"Hey, slow-man..."      "What? bumble berry bottom!"    "Don't fall off the cliff."
You get the idea. A nun could have done better. I nudged E-O. "Tell them that they will never be successful in life." He did, without hesitation, and they couldn't respond. After a few minutes of silence, trying to process this prophetic message, they threw out "Yeah, well, you can't eat breakfast, cause your teeth are rotten." E-O knew better, he looked at me, eager to learn from a fountain of never ending knowledge. "Say, good luck on your 401K. Oh wait, you'll be unemployed for the rest of your life!" His delivery was sublime. I gave him an approving nod. It was over their heads. E-O was getting excited about the results of these statements. I was too, for he was learning art. I gave him another one to put the nail on the coffin, "Good luck finding happiness with your personality."

I am a good uncle. I am preparing my nieces and nephews for the real world. Gotta know how to throw sticks and stones so they can crush opponents. This is a world of ever increasing competition. Is your posterity going to be left behind?

Cold shoulder.

 Besides being a song by Adele, that everyone should listen to/ like it, I've been getting a cold shoulder from a girl I barely know!

My monster of an Uncle, Rodney, suggested that I should date one of his nieces. No relation. Again, she is not related to me. No, she is not. NO. Nope. Uh-uh. Neva.

He said she was a "10", and that I shouldn't let the grass grow underneath her feet (whatever that means, I don't deal with fertilizer). Rod said that he talked me, made me sound good... so he lied... and anyone can find that out (thanks facebook for making my life transparent)....My uncle then gave me her number. Before I could call her, which should have been immediately, I got a call the next day from my uncle asking me if I had called. He followed up with me because a) this girl is awesome and wants me badly or b) he is worried sick about me. Which leads me to side note....

My family is truly worried about me, not because I am Ute (that does relate to their worries), but because I am not married. I am 24 and single. This is information about me, this doesn't conclude that I will be forever alone. That's not knowledge. Read a book. Then you'll get some knowledge. But I am getting constantly haggled about dating and people are trying to set me up. Call it what you want, I find it obnoxious, just like Tim Tebow. He is really annoying. Back to the story.

I call her. No answer. Hmmmmk. I am thinking. Why play hard to get? I mean, your aunt and unlce, okay, fine OUR aunt and uncle tried to set this up. Can't be a bad thing, right? It's legal! I let it go, kinda, as much as I can. So I don't. I fester.
Then a week later I text her. I was a little bugged that she never returned my call. Wouldn't you be? She texts back saying she is terrible at communication and all that monkey business (an idiom for being a liar). I give her the benefit of the doubt and wait till I am back in Utah to call. I do. She doesn't pick up. Pissed. Me. Off. She responds to my texts, that say stuff like, 'why are you bein lame? C'mon. Be real.' Because I ain't asking a girl out on a date over text. I call her two more times than I ever should have. Why? Pride. The whole thing didn't make sense to me. 

What kind of a person doesn't answer the phone? That was rhetorical, but I'll answer it for you, people without hands or manners! What kind of girl doesn't give a mercy date? Again, I'll take this one, a mean one. This affair was set up by OUR aunt and uncle. This was like an invite to Christmas party. All she had to do was show up. Actually, she just had to be picked up. This was more like me coming over to sing Christmas carols to her. I was asking to sing songs about Christmas... Alas, I gave up the ghost.

I can't wait till my uncle sees me and ask, "Well, my boy, how is my niece?" I will look up, gulp my confidence down, and say, "I never took her out." He will look at me, frown a bit, furrow his brow, and then say, "huh." That will be the end of our conversation and relationship. Thanks cold shoulder girl.

I like this. Thehe

He's not a lad, brother; he's a man!

A few months ago, a dear friend, Mr. Pack, asked me to write about one skill that every man should possess. Initially, I thought, "easy, no problem," (I said those words, in my head, like Brian Regan; around the one minute mark). Then, I thought of all of the skills that Asians have to have, that I will never need to have. So, I narrowed it down, to Americans living on the west coast, who have never had to save another humans life by administering an adrenaline shot.
But even that search yielded too many variables, so I refined it some more. They cannot have a felony or have served time in jail. Finally, I had found my perfect sample size, but what skill should every man, who has never had to give an adrenaline shot or served time, need to know?

Changing a tire was too obvious. I had to go with something original, yet classy. Something classy like a wrestling singlet. Spitting wasn't classy enough. This skill couldn't be too simple either. Yelling? C'mon. Every demographic had to be able as well... East Indians can not throw a football. See the dilemma?! In some way or another, I couldn't relate to every single man out there. One would say, in really dumb voice, "that doesn't apply to me." But just like every man, it is bred into me that I don't have to please anyone. Selfish pig.

After hours, days, and weeks of thinking about what skill I should select, I realized that I was making this far too complex. I looked at man and asked, what sets man apart from all of the other beasts? When does a boy know he is a man? What is it that man does that makes him so manly? At mans basic form, the roots his existence, man has always needed to know how to do one thing, peeing straight.

Seriously, this is a skill. This is something that we are not born with.