"You can feel the emotion..."

If you have listened to Reggie Miller commentate on a game, then you'll agree with me that you do not have to be consistent or good, to be an announcer. Look at Madden, you don't even have to be smart. What does it really take to be a sports broadcaster, cause from where I am sitting, all you have to do is play professionally. I haven't really noticed how bad Miller is in the NBA games, cause I am looking forward to the halftime show with Chuck (who in his own cute way is a complete fool), and Kobe is playing like a fiend. ESPN announcers are different, at least the ones who are running the Sportcenter show. Remember that reality TV show, where people tried out to be a ESPN anchor. That showed how difficult it really is to read the sports updates and be clever. Reading a teleprompter and sounding original is a task all on its own. ESPN anchors are clever, but most of them have never played a sport beyond high school, and to be honest, I think that is an advantage. Just because an individual played or coached at the next level, doesn't guarantee that they will be coherent on air: Bob Knight, Bill Walton, Sheryl Miler. They should team up ESPN boys with with Marv or Kenny. Going back to Reggie.

He is announcing the BYU game, (this is the most recent example I can think of) and in the first quarter he says, with his nasally voice, that a high tempo game would be an advantage for Florida.... Hold on. Doesn't Florida outsize BYU by a bazillion inches? A half court game is definitely in BYU's favor... No. That isn't how they have been playing all year. These boys run-n-gun. In the second half Miller rescinds his previous statement and says that a high tempo game would be an advantage for BYU. Duh, winning. His critic of Jimmer was fabulous. "He has got to get to the hoop, get in rhythm, and then get back to his shot. Just like I used to do. I was so damned good." (Millers head grew four inches as he talked about himself) Jimmer did what Reggie said,  then he started shooting again. He was taking the same stupid shots he has been taking ALL year and Reggie says, "These are not good looks." Reggie, this is his game. That is how the kid plays. Watch some highlights. Look at his stats.... Then when James F. buries a deep three to tie the game up, Miller loves it.

Coming outta nowhere, ADD moment: Then you have Craig Sager. Who is this clown? That is my only question. Then I will know why, when, how, and where.

Diametrically opposite is Verne Lundquist. The guy is a master. I remember listening to him every Saturday morning call SEC football games. He would could bring more color to a play then HD or a replay. He has the voice, emotion, everything you could want. You enjoy listening to him, you're not going to look for the mute button on the remote. Plus he has been on some movies. The only movie Reggie has been on is when Michael Jordan said, ""It's like chicken-fighting with a woman. His game is all this flopping-type thing. He weighs only 185 pounds, so you have to be careful, don't touch him, or it's a foul. On offense I use all my 215 pounds and just move him out. But he has his hands on you all the time, like a woman holding your waist. I just want to beat his hands off because it's illegal. It irritates me."

I have a feeling that the final four will have some fantastic commentating, if Miller isn't there. I've had enough of it. If Miller announces, I am going to e-mail CBS, NCAA, and TNT, and tell them that he has to go. I will mock him the entire game. Reggie is going to hear from me in some way. He should not announce the final four or championship games.

Time to go AWOL.

I credit my brother Daniel for introducing me to this band, Awolnation.



People, Sail, Kill Your Heroes, and Guilty Filthy Soul are some good ones.

J.S.B.

Call him the natural man, your Id, or even "night bandit", we all  have this alter ego that we have to battle every day and night. I call him Jason, Jason Some Booty. Jason and I go way back. He was born when I kissed Jessica D. in kindergarten. That's when I realized he could potentially take me over.

Late at night, he will come. He will tell you to scroll through that phone of yours, or get on Facebook, and look... He'll tell you to look for a girl you have been feeling, but haven't really pursued. He'll encourage you to be all flirty, to put yourself out there, with just enough ambiguity that you are safe, but she knows you mean business. If he is feeling really daring, he will have you give them a call after 10 (Even though 10 is early. For some reason girls think its late).

JSB will lie to you. He will tell you to try and play girls. See, he is only looking out for him, not you. You have to pay the consequences, not Jason. The selfish jerkbox has no guarantees. In fact, he is batting under .001, and still you listen to him. That is the problem with having two entities in the same body, one has to win and the other loses. You'll get shut down by her, I promise. They will call you a man-whore for trying, even though it was ALL Jason. You'll move on to the next girl. The vicious cycle continues.

I broke up with Jason awhile back. I wouldn't really know how he acts now. When you feel that urge to make a move after the sun goes down, resist. Unless you are on the E streak.

Losing my mind to TV

If you haven't heard of Friday Night Lights, the television series, then get out from underneath that stupid rock, that you call home, and watch it. I am addicted. Watch it once, and if you don't like it, crawl back underneath that rock. We don't need you. America will continue on without you. The real issue isn't if you'll like the show, the issue is managing your time. You'll stay up late, talk to friends about the characters, say prayers for the Panthers to win their next game, and even plan a trip to Dillon.

In a previous post I said that I would tell the story of Crazy Mazy, but it turns out, that in writing about her, I discovered that her story and mine is pretty bland and crappy.... Truthfully, I forgot the details. I don't even remember why she is crazy, other than she is. Sorry to disappoint. I feel like it could have been a good story, but in the end, the ending is the same, kinda like all chick flicks.

Should I be worried that I don't remember things?

I look so bitchin.

Joel Plaskett said it best in his song, Fashionable People, "Fashionable people doing questionable things." Couldn't have said it better myself. That is why I quoted him, because that lyric really sends the message home. Fashionable people doing questionable things....

Originally, I had this idea to post a load of pictures of local people who are really looking fashionable. Then I realized how invasive this would be on people's privacy, how much effort it would really take; all in all, this idea didn't pass the cost benefit ratio. You have a great imagination though.

To start the mockery juices going, I wanna call out a few celebs that are just setting a great trend for our society.

Lady Gaga. I think the acronym W.T.F. was invented after seeing her. Do NOT google image her. If you do, make sure you are on safe search, moderate showed more than I needed to see.... I look at this picture and everything I need to know about her is right here. Forget looking up her life on Wikipedia, just breath this photo in.You can judge a book by its cover.

Adam Lambert. Look, I am not attacking his homosexuality, but I thought gays were supposed to be fashionable. Right? Queer eye for the straight guy. I think Adam missed the boat. Eye liner works, I mean Steven Tyler uses liner and eye lash extensions... wait, the look doesn't work. Adam looks like he just got out of a straight edge/goth meeting at the back of Kohls. NOTE: this was the only picture I could find of him not licking another dudes tongue.

I think we are now on the same page. Here are some things that local people do, that make NO sense.

-The reverse shirt tuck. You know, that undershirt that girls use, that stretches over their pants, like halfway down their hump. I mean, I know you gotta cover up your trunk with all your junk, but where did this come from? Sure, we don't wanna see your Fergie thong, but it looks weird. Tuck your shirt into your pants. I know the lace at the bottom of the shirt looks cool in the mirror, but your butt doesn't need a curtain hanging over it. I am sure girls can come back with the whole sag thing, and I agree with them, but just because most men sag and fail at fashion, doesn't give girls a free ride. In fact it means the opposite.

- Pj's. I cannot express how unsavory this trend is. If I had a license to bury people alive, I would. Grrr.

- An undershirt under the v-neck shirt. Take out the r of shirt and that is what these payasos look like. Show that neck hair off. Girls love it... maybe not the hair, but they will probably like seeing the hair over your shirt under your v-neck shirt. Your v-neck ain't a sweater and this ain't church son. Don't fill in the gap of the v with your shirt. You wouldn't color in the "V" on a paper. You only fill in the e's, o's, p's, a's, etc.

- The matching principle. Some people can over the top (you know that one dude who is wearing all red all the time), but overall, I think it is important to choose clothes that are similar is color and size. For instance, blue plaid shorts doesn't look good with an orange shirt. Then you have the tight shirt and baggy pants, or vica versa.

- Flip flops + Sock = DUMB.

I'm getting bored with this post..... you get it right?

Playlist

"You are surrounded by people. You pass them on the street, visit them in their homes, and travel among them. All of them are children of God, your brothers and sisters. God loves them just as He loves you. Many of these people are searching for purpose in life."

Many are lost because they know not where to find it. Thank heavens Youtube was invented.
Can you remember what you did to laugh before Youtube? This recent invention, idea, innovation, video sharing website, whatever you wanna call it, has forever changed the human race.

Here are some suggestions to finding that next funny youtube video.
1) Prepare
    a. It takes effort to find that one clip that you will return to every single day. So go to the bathroom, get a drink, and buckle in to do some clicking and some giggling.
    b. Get into a good mood. PMA! 
2) Think of the funnest people you know, like Will Farrel, Frank Caliendo, or Andy Samberg.
    a. These guys are great cause they are consistent. It is safe bet that you'll laugh. If not, then hold a pencil in your teeth as you watch the videos.
3) Surround yourself with people who know good videos.
    a. Some of the funnest clips I have seen were shown to me by a friend.
    b. Befriend funny people on FB and follow funny people on Twitter. They'll post funny videos.
4) Click away. Get lost, so lost in youtube that you'll wonder how you got there.
5) Key words: fat people falling, people getting hit by cars/vehicles, gingers, fruit that raps, and Stevie Wonder.

These are some basic strategies, which you probably already do and know. I really posted this in hopes that you would post your favorite youtube clips in the comment section.... So do so. Now. Please. Thanks.

Amen. 

Do not light a match, or my car will explode.

Here is what needs to be invented, a pill that will make flatulence smell good. Too much to ask?  People invented the deodorant stick for us. They invented gum.

Dating 101

If there was a class offered on dating at SUU or the institute building, I would take it.... oh wait, I guess that class is called preparing for eternal marriage. Any-who Ballo, I am not going to give a do's and don'ts list. I am not going to tell anyone how to act on a date, mainly because I think I am a terrible dater. What I can offer is some possible memory making ideas. Like a bottle of Jordan's cologne, this could change your whole outlook on dating.

CAUTION: Cedar is extremely small. Be careful to use these tactics, if ever.

I will say this, dating is supposed to be fun, so make it fun. If you can't make it fun, quit. That is what Charlie Sheen did.

Scenario 1: This is a first date. She is cute, however she has the sense of humor of Jack Bauer and an IQ of Paris Hilton. You can foresee that this date is going to be awful. You have planned an outing; something witty, special even, and you don't wanna waste the time on her. I suggest that you don't. Ask a controversial question, or a seemingly arbitrary one. She will hopefully respond, and when she does, get pissed. Get so pissed that she is afraid you might jerk the car off the road. "YOU WOULD CHOOSE MONET AS A MORE INFLUENTIAL ARTIST THAN MICHELANGELO?!!" Imagine the confusion. The utterly beautiful way you have destroyed a mediocre night. Now you can take her home, you can go home, you have a wonderful story. Tell me about it. I will laugh. We will laugh. I will call others, they will laugh.

Scenario 2: You have been dating this girl off and on for a few months. Things are not looking promising, but she is super cool, but you can't seem to shake her. She feel likes a shadow with the tenacity of a ingrown hair. You need to make it clear that she is just not cutting it. Take her out to eat. Midway through your meal, and mind you, you should be eating like you have been eating sawdust for weeks, you just get up and leave. Don't say a word. Ghost like Swayze. You have successfully said two things: 1. You are hilarious. (Which she will call immature and a real jackwagon move, which is probably true) 2. She should have been paying for other dates. (Thanks for a small portion back. I really enjoyed that steak).....Sure she might hate you for a little bit, but was she ever really worth it? Have you really ruined your reputation? No. Nothing of the sort....

Scenario 3: You have been set up on a blind date, but you have done your homework. She is suspect, she may or not be super duper boring, or just dog ugly. This is a solo blind date, the real McCoy, a true test for a battle harden warrior. As all warriors do, you have a back up plan. You utilize the bro code. You may be out, you may be in, you may be anywhere, but  "maybe I'll call in the troops..." isn't a back up plan. A simple text to a friend with your location and the urgency, will resolve the floundering date from a possible drowning. Your super hero friend comes into your date and pretends to be a long lost friend. You cannot simply turn him away, to do so would be utterly rude and inconsiderate. He needs to befriended. He needs to be with you and your date the rest of your night. Seeing what I am painting? You have turned this into a bro-session. Gold. Pure gold.

I could give you scenario after scenario, but I need to wrap this post up, I am barely holding on to your attention. Here is the Spark Note section: What I am saying is that you should end crappy dates. If she looks tired, that is an open door that you need to smash trough like Dwayne Johnson. If she is lame, take her home. Now there are some exceptions. I am sure you can figure those out (she knows everyone and will tell everyone, she is a second cousin, she has a physical or mental handicap).

364 days later...

MAY I suggest that as you read you pull up "Gangys: Last Prom on Earth," on youtube or grooveshark. It will make reading this post so much more enjoyable. Hopefully.

This blog was conceived almost a year ago, all due to a major break-up in my life. The first post (which has since been deleted and is no where to be found) was a ode from a hurt soul and broken heart. I opened up, laid it all out there. In essence, that is where this blog all started, a ugly ending to a love story. As I did so, I realized that in writing, comes healing, true emotions and feelings can be expressed; without a blank stare looking back at you or the interruptions and opinions. It has been a journey. The ups and downs. But all in all, I feel like there are a few more in the corner with me. I need all the allies I can get.

Here is a 'thank you' to the silent readers out there, who have watched from the sidelines. A thank you to all the people who have inspired posts, which is about every single person I know. And a thank you to those who have opposed me, you make me better, cause I love stepping on your face.

This being the start of the new year, for this blog, here are some topics to look forward to during this month:

Dating 101, my belly hurts, video search, local fashionable people, the story of crazy Mazy, and my alter ego.

Hopefully, by telling you that I haven't hyped it up too much.